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From the
https://www.kentonline.co.uk By Secret Drinker, 25 April 2025.
Secret Drinker reviews Craft Union pub the Old House at Home in Maidstone.
The Old House at Home had me feeling exactly that the moment I
walked in - OLD.
Like some twisted time warp, I was transported back decades to those
bedraggled, unloved town centre pubs full of blokes sat around while
the world passes them by.
The feeling was only reinforced when a 1970s song blared through the
speakers and several old soaks started singing along to 10cc’s
classic I’m Not in Love – a feeling I’d already reached about this
monolith of a Maidstone boozer.
I’d compare it to accidentally plonking yourself down on some old
chewing gum left on a bus seat, you’re immediately aware you’ve made
a mistake and realise you need to find the best way to get yourself
out of the mess.
But, the barmaid in a cropped top with a nasty cough, had already
poured me a pint of Speckled Hen so I felt duty-bound to take a seat
and get better acquainted with my surroundings, just in case I’d
formed an opinion about this place too hastily.
The pub is one, large cavernous space in which I counted 16 blokes
and two members of the fairer sex, the aforementioned hacking
barmaid and a woman at the back having a bite to eat with a local.
Maybe I was being a little slow, but it was only when an ad popped
up on the screen in the centre of the bar I realised this was a
Craft Union pub.
I could have had a pair of Fire Bombs for £6 but I decided upon a
pint of Speckled Hen instead, for just £2.60.
Four fellows at the front of the bar were making their own
entertainment, poring over the sport pages of The Sun and
occasionally raising an eye to the screen which was showing live
horse racing.
The other four or five screens, either showing Jude Bellingham
silently mouthing an interview or incredibly boring golf coverage,
were all being ignored completely.
However, the music was still attracting a couple of guys eager to
join in and their next rendition was an astonishing version of Rose
Royce’s Car Wash.
The Puddling Lane pub is close to the Fremlin Walk shopping
centre and the High Street.
There are three wooden picnic benches on the pavement at the front
of the pub, though they were only used by smokers while I was in.
It’s a pub dominated by its locals and I think you’d need to be a
regular to keep returning. There was one exception when one bloke
came in who only had eyes for the fruit machine. Ignoring the bar
completely, he made a beeline for the flashing electronic monster
and never even pretended he wanted to buy a drink.
Meanwhile, the local and his lady friend had finished eating and he
was making his own entertainment by teaching her the bar mat
flipping game. She seemed to get the hang of it quite quickly but,
obviously a flipping virgin, struggled to get beyond a fifth (if
anyone knows this game, I’d be interested to know your best score
as, with lots of practice, I once managed 22).
As well as the two fruit machines, there were also two dartboards
available.
When I've needed to charge my phone in a pub I've just asked
permission from the bar staff and then plugged it into a socket. But
here there was a special charger where you can pay by card.
The blackboard on the normal side had been signed fairly neatly by
Jesse, who informed anyone interested that he/she had been here. In
an effort to match Jesse and also inform us he was here at some
point, Adam had also signed, although he only managed to complete
the first half of his surname before becoming totally illegible.
The door to the gents is back and centre of the pub, a door to the
right, I was reliably informed, leads to ‘some sort of garden’ but
apparently it wasn’t worth taking a look and is kept locked in any
case. This means a drinker wanting a fag - and there’s many - always
heads for one of the three picnic tables out front on the pavement.
For anyone wishing to powder their nose, the door to the ladies’ loo
is off to the left. I can report that the gents, with it drugs
warning notices, is neatly tiled but wasn’t particularly fresh or
clean and could do with some attention.
On my way out, I noticed a staircase leading to the first floor of
the pub and so popped up to take a quick look. Unlike the somewhat
bland and uninviting bar area downstairs, this room appeared much
more inviting.
The Old House at Home has one large bar on the ground floor but if I
had a choice I'd head up to the room on the first floor.
There was a pool table, several comfortable looking chairs, another
dartboard and a TV screen, as well as some interesting old
photographs, one featuring Churchill visiting the Kent County Show.
I don’t know how often this small private room is used but if I was
ever to return to the Old House, I’d definitely want to swerve the
downstairs bar and head straight here.
That said, this is sadly one public house I wouldn’t choose to
revisit and if I’m honest, I felt considerably more deflated on the
way out than I’d felt on the way in.
I wouldn’t describe it as openly hostile but it certainly isn’t
overly inviting and whilst I’m sure it fulfils a need in the area,
it’s not something I need to experience again.
It wasn't open but having taken a look around the room upstairs I'd
definitely want to head here if I visited the Old House again.
There's a third dartboard upstairs along with another TV.
Décor: I got the impression this place has probably undergone
something of a facelift by Craft Union and, although everywhere is
very sticky, the furnishings aren’t too bad. The room upstairs is
far more interesting than the bland bar below. **
Drink: There was only one bitter available but there was a
decently-priced Guinness on offer and plenty of lager options. ***
Price: Weekday drinks seem to be cheaper than their weekend versions
and a pint of Speckled Hen was only £2.60. A Tuesday pint of Stella
was a fair bit dearer at £4.25. ****
Staff: Staffing may increase later but during the afternoon it was
strictly a one-woman show behind the bar and if she disappeared
through the door with the rainbow flag on it, then you just had to
wait until she returned before you could get a drink. **
The tiling work was impressive enough but the gents could have done
with a good clean and freshen up. |