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From
http://www.newsshopper.co.uk by Pubspy 22 November 2012.
OMG, why
did I venture into this one?
The "Beech Tree" is the most uninviting, soulless and sombre pub you are
ever likely to find.
In truth, the note taped to the door should have told me all I needed to
know and had me turning on my heel as soon as I read: “Regulars only –
due to our neighbours complaining”.
However, my curiosity got the better of me; after all, if only regulars
are allowed in how does anyone get to become a regular?
But once you're inside the bigger question is: ‘Why would anyone want to
be a regular here?'
Faced by a bland, unwelcoming interior, the pub looks like it was
decorated by someone throwing a firework into a tin of black paint.
The walls are then adorned with a mixture of huge expanses of what look
like blank notice boards, interspersed occasionally with faded old
pictures.
The only existence of colour is a typically horrendous pub carpet of the
worst possible design (worst possible that is, until you see the second
carpet in the back room).
There were three people in the front room, presumably all regulars, but
no-one spoke so I couldn't be sure.
As well as a pint of Kronenbourg I splashed out 50p on the only food
available, a stale cheese roll which had definitely seen a few better
days.
Thinking things could only improve I ventured into the back room where
the main item was a pool table.
Here, a pair of ‘regulars' were chucking cash as fast as possible into a
fruit machine called ‘Dublin yer money' – although no matter how much
they tried, they didn't.
This is clearly a sport in St Mary Cray as they'd both dressed
especially for the marathon spending session in tracksuits and trainers.
Even the yellow tags on the hoodies added to their ‘sportsman' look.
As Raghav's 'Can't Get Enough' blasted from the jukebox I can only
assume it had a random setting as the music certainly fitted into this
category.
In the outhouse area at the back, dominated by the pool table and
misnamed fruitie, you also find the toilet entrances.
Presumably the regulars know better than to take on the cheese rolls in
any quantity as the width of the door on the gents would preclude anyone
above average size even entering, though anyone with an average sense of
smell will also be well and truly put off.
The toilets keep up the style of decoration, although this time the
black is replaced with bright blue paint chucked at the walls – if you
do dare venture in.
I'd avoid the cracked urinal on the left.
Escaping back to the front room I dawdled only to wonder why washing was
drying on the radiator.
However, as fruit flies then started to mass around my pint I thought my
exit was long overdue.
Leaving hurriedly, the second sign I saw in this pub left me, if
anything, even more incredulous than the first - ‘Under new management'.
As I escaped back into Wellington Road I was faced by the cold and
foreboding Salvation Army building.
For the first time in my life, having visited the "Beech Tree," I wondered
if the Sally Army's view of drinking might actually be right after all!
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